Soul Ties 101- Everything you need to know and more.
Soul ties are formed through the relationships we create.
Soul tie definitions can vary wildly to include both Godly and ungodly soul ties, sexual soul ties, mutual soul ties and more. The most commonly known soul tie definition is that soul ties are a spiritual connection that is formed through a sexual relationship.
But this definition fails to account for biblical examples of soul ties and is both limiting and unhelpful.
While the Bible does not explicitly discuss soul ties or soul mates, we can still find many examples of soul ties within the Bible. In this article, I’ll show you how to identify 5 different types of soul ties and show you examples from the Bible of each.
But first, let’s look at a biblical definition of soul ties.
What is a soul tie?
A soul tie is the spiritual component of any relationship. Its original purpose is to draw people closer to God together. Soul ties can develop over time and can naturally become stronger or weaker as the two people in a relationship become more attached or disengaged.
These relationships or soul ties can be formed biologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Some of these connections are destructive and ungodly, and commonly referred to as ungodly soul ties.
Remember, God created us as social creatures who are completely dependant on Him. He also wants us to be deeply connected to one another.
So, even though soul ties aren’t directly mentioned in the Bible, that doesn’t mean they’re not in there. It simply means we need to be clear what we’re talking about.
Next, soul ties are the spiritual side of any relationship and they are a gift from God. God uses them to help us to commit to one another. Their purpose is to help us stand firm and bring activities in our lives through to completion. God wants us to be connected to one another so that we can live out His divine will for our lives. Their rightful purpose is to promote wholesome unity and oneness in the body of Christ. They are the natural by-product of our relationships.
Soul ties can be mutual or one-sided.
Mutual soul ties occur when two people have a relationship with one another. They love or hate each other and they are aware of the impact they have on the other person. For example, married couples would have mutual soul ties.
One-sided soul ties occur when one person is excessively attached to someone who may not even know they exist. This could happen when one person falls in love but the other person is not reciprocating. It’s a one-sided relationship.
When this occurs over and over again, generation after generation, we can begin to see how a generational curse is formed. So if your great-great-grandmother fell in love with the strongest man in the village who didn’t even know her name, and then she settled for your great great grandfather, then your great grandmother fell for the president but married your great grandfather instead, then your grandmother fell in love with Elvis but married your grandfather Joe, and now your comparing every man you know to Johhny Depp, you might see how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
The difference between a soul tie vs a soul mate.
The idea behind the term soul mate is that there is one person, created by God whom you are destined to spend eternity with. Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates. There’s nothing biblical about them and it’s a destructive way of thinking about a relationship.
But, let’s explore the different ways soul ties are created. I will show you how good soul ties are formed in a Godly and healthy way and then show you how Satan has twisted and perverted them for his own destructive purposes.
Emotional:
Then there are emotional soul ties. Strong soul ties are forged out of shared experiences and emotions. Consider Ruth and Naomi. Their mutual lose, mourning and grief impacts Ruth to such an extent that she decides to cut her biological and social ties to her past and form a deep connection to her mother in law, Naomi.
Ruth declares to Naomi “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1:16
She has made a commitment and we see how God uses these moments of revelation to weave outsiders into His family tapestry.
On the other hand, we’ve got Satan, doing his best to get us emotionally tied up in the wrong people who will ultimately bring us to our own destruction.
We all know that if we’re headed downhill, there’s no way to get there faster than to bring someone else down with us.
I’m sure you can think of countless examples where you did something that went against your better judgment because that’s what everyone else was doing. When we talk about peer pressure, what we are essentially talking about is soul ties. People are so connected to their peer group that they no longer have the desire to act independently. We’re going to go deeper into the dangers of all these negative trappings next week.
Spiritual:
We can also have spiritual soul ties. Since we are spiritual beings, we learn best through relationships. God gave us the ability to impart, wisdom, knowledge, skill and spiritual gifts to one another. Throughout the Bible, we see examples of mentor-mentee relationships. This is God’s primary vehicle for transferring information. We’ve got; Moses and Joshua, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, and most importantly Jesus and His disciples.
God’s model for education is a spiritual one. What we impart to one another matters.
God expected us to share His words and commanded us “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” Deuteronomy 11:19.
Yet Satan uses this vehicle too and takes us wildly off course.
When this important relationship is corrupted we see evidence of picking up other people’s bad habits, false ideologies, and toxic mindsets. Instead of instructing each other in the ways of the Lord, societies become flooded with corrupt systems of thinking.
Physical:
Finally, we have physical soul ties. Probably the most well-known method of creating a soul tie is through sexual relationships. These soul ties can be formed through any kind of sexual activity.
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
God created us with an intense desire for oneness, to be known by another person, to be seen, loved and appreciated. These desires are designed to be fulfilled through marriage and the sexual union between a husband and his wife. We come together physically and bring forth new life!
Satan spoiled it.
So, now we see this holy and beautiful entwining of two separate and distinct people becoming one, being used to sell everything from cars to cigarettes. We defiled the wedding bed. We no longer appreciate the sanctity of marriage. We’ve turned people into commodities so that we can buy and sell, manipulate and abuse them. People find themselves losing count of the number of sexual interactions they’ve had, and their desires are becoming more violent, destructive and perverted.
Soul Ties Are Not Indestructible
Of course, soul ties can be formed in other ways as well, mentally, culturally, etc. I have provided enough insight that you are now able to connect the dots.
Now you can see additional ways in which soul ties are meant to unite us for the glory of God, and how Satan has used them to bind us.
Many of our primary relationships that ought to be good, holy, supportive, caring and nurturing have been destroyed or tangled by our sins and the work of the enemy.
We have permitted negative soul ties to creep in and bind us.
God designed soul ties for our good. You also know how Satan has taken advantage and succeeded in knotting the lines. Now be encouraged, because there is a solution.
As a pastor, I’ve seen the damage that is caused by unholy alliances and perverse relationships. I understand the pain and heartbreak that is caused by divorce, dysfunctional families and broken friendships. And despite your best efforts to move on, you might still be feeling like your spiritual progress is severely crippled. If ungodly soul ties are holding you hostage make the decision today to evaluate your relationships and eliminate all ungodly soul ties. Enroll for the e-course and enjoy the freedom Christ died to give you.
The Course Includes:
Clarity on why you have soul ties.
How to untangle and restore Godly soul ties
Break free from ungodly soul ties with Powerful Prayer Points
Effective Action Steps that guide you through the entire process.
Today we’ve got a question about the difference between ungodly and godly soul ties from Megan in Vancouver.
Hey Pastor Lily, I always thought that soul ties were a bad thing that happened when you slept with someone outside of marriage. I assumed that since I’m a virgin I don’t have any problems with soul ties. But I read your post and you said that there a lot of different kinds of soul ties and that they aren’t necessarily bad. So I’m wondering if your course on breaking soul ties is right for me. I haven’t had any serious romantic relationships but I do have these terrible nightmares about fighting with my mom. Do you think there’s a soul tie issue there? I love my mom, but there is a lot of tension between us and I would like to fix that. What do you suggest?
Hi Megan.
This is a great question! Last weeks post What are soul ties and how to break them is a good intro to the topic because there are a lot of misconceptions about them. Like you said, a lot of people think that they are a result of sexual relationships.
But, at the most basic level, soul ties are the spiritual threads that connect us to one another. Every relationship has them. So yes, the issues you’re experiencing with your mom and the nightmares are most likely evidence of a godly soul tie issue.
Parent-child relationships are part of God’s design for family and families are the building blocks of society. We can see examples all around us that speak to the devastating consequences that occur when those relationships break down. Satan knows that if he can disrupt these godly soul ties and principal relationships he can cause societies to crumble.
This week I will be talking about how soul ties are formed. In your case, this is a completely natural godly soul tie to have, but it sounds like something got tangled. In the soul tie e-course, we are going to learn how to identify where things went wrong in a relationship and what to do about it. I would strongly recommend that you join the course because we’re going to get into the deeper details there.
For now, I recommend that you begin to pray for God to help you prepare your heart to receive divine healing in your primary relationships. Ask Him to guard you against dreams that do not build up your relationship with your mom. Pray that He would help you to see your mom the way He sees her.
Thanks, Megan. I hope to see you in the course.
You could invite your mom to complete it with you, as I am sure this would speed up the healing process exponentially, and give you a great opportunity to bond.
God Bless You!
Join the conversation and have your say in answering this question in the comments below.
What are some misconceptions you’ve had about soul ties? did you know that there are godly soul ties?
Dear Pastor Lily, Help! I'm stuck! It's Christmas and once again I've given too much. I give until it hurts. And now, I'm bitter and angry and lashing out at those I've lavished my generosity on because they just don't appreciate it. I hope for too much. I think my…
About Lily
Lily is a relationship expert and Christian life coach who helps single women prepare for a Christ-centered marriage. She is married to the most amazing man in the world, has two beautiful little girls. She loves coffee, books and Jesus (but not in that order).
Ungodly soul ties can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, manipulated and exhausted. They can disrupt your sleep and leave you feeling confused and upset. The most dangerous thing about soul ties is:they’re formed between people. People who are sinners, who are selfish, greedy, cruel, abusive and manipulative.
People just like you and me.
And since we are all sinners who fall short, we are all vulnerable to ungodly soul ties.
But unfortunately, something has gone seriously wrong along the way.
We have been given this beautiful ability to form deep and meaningful relationships that are intended to connect us as the body of Christ. Amazing relationships which have the potential to last a lifetime.
In fact, each of us will have many soul ties in our lifetime. But what exactly are they, and what happens when they become toxic and ungodly?
What are Ungodly Soul Ties?
Many Christians have heard of soul ties and assume that they are all negative spiritual connections, formed as a result of sexual relationships. But there’s much more to them than that.
Soul ties are actually a healthy and essential part of God’s plan for human relationships. But, not all of them are good or godly.
If you’ve ever felt controlled, manipulated or dominated, or frustrated by memories of a previous relationship, you’re probably dealing with an ungodly soul tie.
Perhaps you’ve made promises to other people that you now regret because of the impact their having on your walk with God?
These symptoms are the result of ungodly soul ties.
Throughout my experience in ministry, I’ve seen the damage that can be caused by these unholy alliances.
I understand the pain and heartbreak that is caused by divorce, dysfunctional families and broken friendships. Despite your best efforts to move on, your spiritual progress feels severely crippled, and it’s all because of soul ties.
It is my desire to see you set free from every ungodly soul tie.
I want to see you walking in freedom, released from toxic relationships and enjoying the healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ.
The other day, a young lady from church asked me, “what is a soul tie? Do I have one from sleeping with my ex-boyfriend? I still have dreams about him all the time and they’re usually kind of sexual. I don’t want to get back together with him, but I can’t help thinking about him all the time.”
This is a classic example of a sexual ungodly soul tie.
I helped her go through the process of breaking that soul tie and I want to help you too.
Now, she is enjoying a healthy relationship and is engaged to a lovely young man. She is no longer tormented by her past and is looking forward to a wonderful Godly marriage.
What is a soul tie?
A soul tie is any relationship where two become one, in mind, body, emotions or heart.
Let’s break down the words to figure out what this means.
God created us in His likeness and image.
“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness” –Genesis 1:26
God is – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
Man is -Soul, Body, and Spirit. We are a spirit and soul, living in a body.
When the bible talks about the soul, it’s referring to the part, where the breath of life is. The soul houses the mind, will, and emotions. It’s the personality part of you. What makes you a unique individual.
The term Tie means cleaving together, sticking, joined or knit. – where two become one.
When two become one
Two can become one through a variety of ways including covenants and vows, like in marriage, or physically through intercourse, or through agreements. (We will discuss different kinds of soul ties and how they are formed in greater detail next week.)
God links his people to one another, in loving, nurturing devoted relationships through these connections. They enable us to work together and the build of His kingdom.
For example; parents to children, husbands, and wives, the disciples of Christ being in one accord. Biblically founded relationships allow two or more people to do more than one individual could accomplish on their own.
Soul ties bind and attach us to one another in the body of Christ.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” –Ecclesiastes 4:12
Ungodly soul ties
The enemy has perverted what is good it in order to destroy the children of God. Therefore, many Christians who love God, find themselves entangled in negative, ungodly soul ties.
These relationships become toxic and prevent us from enjoying independence, freedom, and choice. Ungodly soul ties use force, authority, influence or obligation to steer us away from God toward greater darkness and confusion.
Ungodly soul ties are never in our best interest and interfere with God’s will for our lives.
Once formed, they plunge you into a downward spiral of controlling, manipulative, abusive cycles of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
The biggest danger is that ungodly soul ties will influence you away from God and His family of believers and drive you towards solitude, anxiety, depression, heartache, loneliness, and despair.
Soul ties are soulish connections between two or more people. Therefore, they can remain intact despite physical distance and time.
So even though you may have ended a relationship in the physical realm you still need to cut ties in the spiritual realm.
We must build all relationships on the foundation of the love of God.
When things are out of order, healthy fruitful and positive relationships can turn negative and ultimately those we have ungodly soul ties with, become idols in our lives.
For better or for worse, we are allowed to choose them for ourselves.
Let’s take the first relationship in the Bible for example.
Adam: God allowed him to look at all the creatures on earth to find himself a helpmate and gave him time to figure out for himself that none of the animals were suitable.
Only then, did God create Eve.
God designed us for relationships, he gave us parents, families, and societies, these are our primary soul ties.
But beyond that, God allows us to choose for ourselves, who we’ll have and who we’ll reject. He gives us the freedom to decide how we’ll treat others and if we’ll appreciate those around us.
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The Truth About Soul Ties
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Even our primary relationships aren’t guaranteed, children can be abandoned, parents can be killed, people can be abducted and thrown into a different society. Nothing is certain.
I love teaching on soul ties because I believe that this is an extremely important topic that is dangerously misunderstood.
Soul ties are not just the result of two people having a sexual relationship.
I understand how badly you want to be free from evil and ungodly Soul Ties. That’s why I’ve created an online course to walk you through the entire process.
While that is one way of forming a soul tie, that explanation is overly simplified and fails to tell the whole story.
Soul Ties aren’t connections to a demonic soul mate.
For one thing, demons don’t have souls. While you can be tormented by a seductive spirit that comes to sleep with you in your dreams, that is different from a soul tie.
If you haven’t read the two articles leading up to this one, please go do that now. Because those articles will help you to appreciate what I am about to show you.
The Danger of Ungodly Soul Ties.
All human relationships are subject to hurts, disappointment, betrayal, and abuse.
Our fallen state has left every one of our relationships vulnerable to being snared, broken and bruised.
Even God-given soul ties can become so messed up that they need divine intervention to either break or restore.
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When a human relationship deteriorates into an ungodly soul tie, there are 7 symptoms that will manifest.
Look at the Holocaust. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi’s attempted to wipe out the entire Jewish nation. That’s a perfect example of how totally destructive ungodly soul ties can be.
Adonai
God designed humans to be connected to one another under His perfect Lordship.
He alone is Adonai!
The Hebrew word Adonai means “Lord, Master, Owner”
And so there can be healthy soul ties.
Because the true purpose of Soul Ties is to connect a network of Kings (you and me)\ under the rule and reign of The King Of Kings!
When the system is turned upside down, that which was created for perfect good can be used for unspeakable evil.
Let’s look at the 7 soul tie symptoms
1.The Death of Communication:
You can’t talk without fighting.
Ungodly soul ties destroy our ability to communicate effectively with one another. Conversations begin to descend into fights and arguments.
Instead of speaking life, and calling out the greatness of one another, we begin to curse and verbally attack each other. Our communication style becomes manipulative and demeaning. This is almost always the first symptom of ungodly soul ties.
The way we speak opens the door to every other behavior.
2. Loss of Identity
When people have been called names like; loser, slut, idiot, etc, they begin to internalize them.
We take on those labels and then we lose our identity. One of the most effective things the Nazi’s did to destroy the Jews was to refer to them as rats. By doing this long enough they were able to convince themselves that the Jews were less human than they were.
When people are dehumanized in this way, it becomes easier to justify inhuman activities. We can not exterminate an entire nation of people, but there is far less objection to the idea of exterminating rats.
The atrocities that we saw in WWII were not unique. The same thing happened in the book of Esther.
Haman had an ungodly soul tie to Mordecai, he became obsessed with the idea of destroying Mordecai and annihilating his people.
“When Haman saw that Mordecai would not kneel down or pay him honor, he was enraged”. – Esther 3:5
The book of Esther demonstrates how Haman becomes increasingly hung up on his murderous plot which ultimately leads to his own demise.
So, it’s important to understand that not every soul tie you might have is being actively strengthened by you. In this case, Mordecai was the victim of someone else’s harassment.
Thankfully, when you are in right standing with God, He will step in to defend you and fight your battles.
3. Failure To See The Humanity Of Others: Feeling Like No Body Gets YOU.
Pride is dangerous because it allows one to think that they are better than someone else. Combined with vanity, which blinds us to the truth, we fail to recognize the humanity of others.
Then you can treat people as commodities instead of individuals. A thing that can be sold and bought, used and abused.
God desires for us to recognize the divinity within one another. Ungodly soul ties destroy that ability. Instead, they enable us to engage in possessive, controlling and manipulative behavior.
4. Inability To Recognize Suffering
God has given us the responsibility to help others. But what happens when we stop caring?
Throughout the Bible, God repeatedly instructs His people to care for the widow and orphan, to help the foreigner and to tend to those who are in need.
We need to help each other.
But ungodly soul ties harden our heart. We become callous and indifferent to the suffering of others. We can ignore those who are in need without any repercussions in our conscience.
5. Shame
Shame is the MOST destructive symptom of ungodly soul ties because it makes you feel like you ARE a MISTAKE.
The voice of shame says that you are unworthy, unlovable, wrong, and pathetic. Many people who are entangled in ungodly soul ties are experiencing depression because they have accepted the lie that they deserve to be treated badly.
Shame makes it easy for someone else to abuse you because you’ll believe you deserve it. Shame ultimately leads to cowardice and fear. There’s often an emotional soul tie that needs to be broken so that you can enjoy peace and freedom.
6. Cowardice
We all experience fear, but cowardice is especially painful because it has no upside. Fear can motivate you, it can warn you and cause you to take action. But cowardice tells you you’re helpless and don’t bother trying.
Cowardice sounds like “I can’t!”
Cowardice conditions you to always be the victim and makes it easier for predators to take advantage.
7. Stereotypes
Godly soul ties allow you to see the unique individuality of each of God’s children. You have a deeper level of empathy and a greater ability to forgive because you can understand other people’s unique set of circumstances. On the other hand, stereotypes cause you to paint everyone with the same brush.
For example, Because, you have internalized the belief that all men are the same; you approach a new romantic relationship with the same attitude and defenses mechanism you used in your previous broken relationship.
You flinch and expect to get hit when voices are raised.
But There’s SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
You See? Ungodly soul ties manifest in ways that pull people away from God and into the darkness.
They steal our ability to see things from God’s perspective and limit our capacity for understanding the implications of our actions. It’s easy to fall into the belief that nothing matters because you can’t see the consequences occurring around you. We yield ourselves to the belief that our negative circumstance implies that God does not exist.
How many times have we heard people ask “If God exists why does He let all these bad things happen?”
Such pain and suffering can ultimately blind you to the presence of God. Then you become seriously committed to the belief that ” if this bad thing happened, God cannot be real.”
How you got entangled in an ungodly soul tie, doesn’t matter. Whether it’s because someone else hurt you, or because of a decision you made, the results are the same. And the solutions are the same as well.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK EVERY SOUL TIE
If you’re bound and enslaved, manipulated and controlled, there is a way out.
Jesus has come and given His precious blood to set the captives free!
It is the will of God for you to be free and whole. God will set you free!
Slaves have no rights. Death is inevitable and certain, so it’s easy to engage in self-destructive activities.
That’s not God’s will for your life.
Godly soul ties can raise you up to the highest heights Ungodly soul ties can take you down into the abyss.
Ungodly soul ties are ugly, and we are easily tempted to turn away and try to forget about them.
But doing so gives them the power to come back and overwhelm you once more, not just you, but for generations to come. Vicious cycles of abuse and destruction that continues over and over again.
Ultimately ungodly soul ties destroy your humanity.
You become hollow, unthinking, unbelieving, fearful, and alone. Make the decision to say “Enough is Enough!”
Take back your power and authority and use the Name of Jesus, to break free from every ungodly soul tie.
In order to experience divine freedom from ungodly soul ties, you must say a soul tie prayer:
You might need to break an ungodly soul tie or unhealthy soul tie after a divorce, when a friendship ends, when leaving a workplace, or when you’re grieving the loss of a relationship. Use the free worksheet below to determine if you need to break a soul tie.
Detangle Your Soul Ties [Free Worksheet]
Get your quick and easy soul ties worksheet to help you assess your relationships.
Or…
Take my complete course that will guide you step by step through the process of breaking every ungodly soul tie in your life.
It is my deepest desire to expose the darkness of the enemy to the light of God by doing my part to set the captives free.
Now, I would love to hear from you!
I hope you’ve found this useful. If so, please share it on your favorite platform.
Our goal is to help you enjoy healthy thriving relationships, with God, yourself and others. So, if you have any questions, thoughts or opinions I would love to connect with you in the comments below. And I have a few questions for you…
How do you feel about ungodly soul ties?
What’s one thing you wish you’d known about breaking soul ties sooner?
What advice would you give to someone who is worried about having an ungodly soul tie?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
Share as much detail as you can. Your wisdom and insights will help and encourage readers from around the world. The ideas you share might be the inspiration someone else needs to get a breakthrough.
Important: Please share your thoughts ideas and opinions directly in the comments below. This way everyone benefits and the community grows.
Thank you so much for reading and supporting this growing community with your voice. It really matters to me and it makes a huge difference in the world.
-Lily Mtongwiza
Detangle Your Soul Ties [Free Worksheet]
Get your quick and easy soul ties worksheet to help you assess your relationships.
Lily is a relationship expert and Christian life coach who helps single women prepare for a Christ-centered marriage. She is married to the most amazing man in the world, has two beautiful little girls. She loves coffee, books and Jesus (but not in that order).
Is the Faith and Work Message an Attempt to Earn Our Own Salvation? Hugh Whelchel February 9, 2015 TWITTER FACEBOOK LINKEDIN EMAIL SUBSCRIBE PRINT Recently I was speaking on faith and work at a conference and someone asked, “Aren’t you just talking about works righteousness?” I assured them I wasn’t, but I can see how it could’ve sounded that way. I’m not the only one running into this problem. Several years ago Mark Roberts at The High Calling interviewed N. T. Wright, and Wright talked about this works righteousness misunderstanding that is often voiced about the importance of our work: What you do in the present matters. It’s hard for Protestants to hear that without thinking, “Oh, dear, this is good works again.” That’s a scare tactic. Sometimes, it’s a political scare tactic – to stop Christians from actively working to change the way the world is, confronting justice, and building communities of peace a...
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